On Anger.... How to Deal With It. When (and How) to Let It Go.

I can’t watch the news anymore. I just can’t. The reason I’ve just stopped is that I get angry. This anger is caused by the media telling us all what to think these days. We’ve all seen it…the one-sided view of the world we live in.

As a Christian, I’ve often wondered if it’s ok to be angry. I’ve been angry at specific people; at events; at these current days at the media and the fact that the majority of people seem unable to actually research and think for themselves in our current world; at injustices taking place everywhere; at the victimization of the weak (especially animals and children), and I could go on. And on.

Here’s one more thing I’m angry about right now: That I seem to be a racist because of the color of my skin, through no overt action I’ve ever taken. Evidently, I’m a subconscious racist, I’m being told by people, even some family members, who base their beliefs on what the media is choosing to show them.

But let’s just let this all go.

There’s nothing you, I, or any single person can do about this. How do we stand up to the media, except to NOT watch and to choose not to believe the lies they tell us?

The things going on in our world right now are of Satan. We are fighting against each other, brother against brother, sister against sister. It hurts my heart.

And so. I feel anger well up inside of me.

According to Hope Family Counseling, there are five ways we can deal with anger:

1) We can suppress it.

2) We can become aggressive and fight physically or verbally.

3) We can become passive aggressive and hurt others insidiously through emotional abuse.

4) We can act for positive change against the wrong-doer(s).

5) We can just let it go and drop it. Forgive and go on.

The first three ways of dealing with anger are Satanic. That is, they are of the world. They will do nothing but beget more conflict, fighting, and hurt.

The last two ways are of God, and spiritually, are how we should all be dealing with and experiencing our anger.

FTC Disclosure: There are affiliate links scattered throughout this article. If you click and make any kind of purchase, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you.

According to Aristotle: “To be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way…is not easy.”

Photo: Jezael Melgoza

I wish I had known how to deal with anger positively for my whole life. Honestly, it would have made many situations I found myself in and decisions I had to make a lot easier. People in general act out automatically in one of the first three ways, at least initially. Many never go beyond those ways.

Have you ever known a person who is holding onto anger over a wrong done him for literally decades? Or in our current social case, collectively, for hundreds of years? My friend, it’s not pretty.

We’re seeing with our own eyes right now, how ugly things are in our world, every time we turn on the T.V. or watch on our computers or devices. Whole groups of people are being blamed for things not their fault…simply because they are of a certain skin color. Frankly, I just can’t watch any more.

Let’s talk about the ways we can actively (or subconsciously) deal with anger for a moment.

When I was teaching public elementary and middle school, I got to witness firsthand all the ways the kids dealt with anger. And it was my job, partially, to try to teach them healthy ways (unfortunately, and of course, without teaching anything Biblical) they could deal with their angry feelings.

Our first interactions with others as children often set the tone for how we’ll choose to work with our angry feelings for the rest of our lives, into adulthood, I’ve noticed.

Being aware of our anger, how we are dealing with it on a conscious and subconscious level, and then making intentional, active choices about how to deal with it is healthy.

NOTE: If you’re having great difficulty with anger, consider finding a good church and asking about Christian counseling. I’ve been to many therapists in my life, over the years, and the ONE that helped me was the little intern (free) counselor who taught me about my identity in Christ, among many other things I needed to understand.

More on the Different Ways to Deal with Angry Feelings

1) Suppressing anger leads to depression and powerlessness.

Having been in this place for a good many years in my past life during my twenties and thirties, I can tell you first hand how awful it is. How hopeless a place it is to be. It may be a place of self-hatred and suicidal thoughts, like it was for me.

God doesn’t want us to feel powerless or hopeless in the world. He wants us to set healthy boundaries. He wants us to turn to Him.

**This way of dealing with anger (suppression) is of Satan and the world. The enemy wants people to feel victimized, hopeless, and powerless.

2) Acting out aggressively and violently hurting others through words or visible actions and body language.

Aggression doesn’t have to be only physical. I’ve experienced my share of verbal abuse in a prior marriage, and the pain and hurt that causes is a real thing. For me, having experienced both, emotional and verbal abuse is worse than physical abuse. I know this isn’t the case for everyone, but for me, it was.

Not being an aggressive person myself, I can only imagine how hot, hateful, and ugly those impulses of aggression must be for the person who feels and acts on them. God doesn’t want us hurting our brothers and sisters.

**This way of dealing with anger is also worldly. Satan loves to see us fight and to hurt each other.

3) Passive aggression may just be the worst way to express anger.

Those people who make you feel crazy; who manipulate your feelings and your actions; who build you up only to tear you down; who hold nasty, bitter grudges and try to “get back at you”; who lie, cheat, and steal from the relationship, are sometimes the very hardest to deal with because there’s no overt aggression to discuss or work though.

These are the gas-lighters and crazy-makers of the world. Passive aggressive people make you feel like it’s all in your head (supposedly) and that it’s your fault. They demean you in some very subconscious ways.

God wants us to feel peaceful and joyful in our relationships with others.

**This way of dealing with anger is also obviously of the world and the evil one.

4) Using anger for positive change:

The peaceful protests to make positive change during the 1960’s, headed up primarily by Martin Luther King, Jr., a true American hero, are an example of how to deal with anger to make positive change in the world.

The key word here is: Peaceful. Not aggressive. Not passive aggressive. And not asking any person to suppress their anger….or else. God wants to see us work for good in our world, just as He does.

**This is one way to deal with anger in a Godly and biblical way.

5) Just letting the anger go. Just dropping it.

In this last regard, I have the most to say. In my opinion, it’s the hardest way to deal with anger, but it’s also the easiest.

It requires spiritual help and mental and emotional effort. This is why it’s so hard. It’s hard sometimes to NOT be angry. God can take it away from us, though. If you want to read more about how to forgive someone who hurt you, I’ve written about this step by step here.

The reason that just dropping your anger and letting it go is the easiest way is because it requires no physical effort at all. It only requires prayer, some reflection, and some conscious decision-making. It also results in the most pleasant and often wonderful consequences. If you’re a person who takes the long view, to my thinking, this is by far the best way to deal with anger, in most cases.

**This is another way God tells us to deal with our anger in a healthy and spiritual way.

Photo by William Farlow

How Long Does It Take to Deal With Anger? How Long Does God Say It Should Take to Go Away?

My friend, this is a hard talk, here, because God says exactly how long it should take to deal with your anger. Essentially, you are supposed to deal with it right away, in one of the last two ways (#4 and #5) above.

In Ephesians 4:26-27, Paul writes: “Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity.”

In other words, take care of it right away. Pray on it, reflect on it, and deal with it in a healthy manner. It’s ok to be angry, but if you let it fester in your soul, you are absolutely giving the enemy a foothold in your life. Let it go. Pray and pray and pray for peace. You WILL find it if you don’t give up.

And in Ephesians 4:29, Paul continues, “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.”

Isn’t this great advice?

If we speak only goodness, truth, kindness, purity, loveliness, excellence, and praise into the world (Phil. 4-8)… Can you imagine how beautiful the world would be and could be? It’s worth a try, if you ask me.

Let’s look at the rest of chapter 4 in Ephesians:

“Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.” (Eph. 4:30) Essentially, please don’t sadden the Holy Spirit that is inside of you, who keeps you safe, by holding onto anger.

“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” (Eph. 4:31-32)

And here are a few other thoughts from God:

“Cease from anger and forsake wrath; Do not fret; it leads only to evildoing. For evildoers will be cut off, But those who wait for the Lord they will inherit the land.” Psalm 37:8-9

“This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.” James 1:19-20.

“Do not be eager in your heart to be angry, For anger resides in the bosom of fools.” Ecc. 7:9

And there are many other pieces of advice about anger that God gives us.

I’ll be honest.

In my experience, doing these things that God tells us to do is impossible on our own will alone. We must turn to our Father in Heaven for help in putting away our anger. It’s a highly spiritual task, and since it’s of God, we must turn to Him.

I’ve done this (asked God for help with anger) in the past. And I’ve also NOT done it. I can tell you explicitly and personally from my own experiences, that God can and will and DOES take away anger. And my life has been better for it when I know, remember, and do this. SO much better.

It’s a humbling experience (and a great one), but what an absolute blessing to know God is there and will help you!

If the whole world would just do as God says regarding anger, can you imagine how wonderful things would be?

But since the whole world is not going to do this, by choice or by ignorance (lack of knowledge), then all we as individuals can do is deal with ourselves and also help others as we are able.

Here are some books that have helped me deal with angers of certain kinds and some very difficult relationships over the years:

Boundaries: When to Say Yes; How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Christian authors Cloud and Townsend. **Not heavy on the religion, but very spiritually based, this book teaches you how NOT to be a doormat. I’ve read this book several times in my life, and trust me: It helps.

The Dance of Anger: A Woman’s Guide to Changing Patterns of Intimate Relationships, by Harriet Lerner **This is not a Christian based book, but she is a masterful commonsense counselor who tells it like it is in a friendly way that makes you feel like you can do something about your situation.

Of course, The Holy Bible, my favorite place to learn how to deal with any of life’s difficulties. I wish I had started really reading the word far longer ago in my life than I did. I beg you: If you’re not in the Word right now, please start, little by little. You’ll be amazed at how you’ll transform your world-view and your life.

**I suggest the NASB or the King James versions, as they are more strict to the actual translations.

Safe People: How to Find Relationships That are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren’t. Also by Doctors Henry Cloud and John Townsend, there’s some very good advice in this book. Especially if you’re a single person in the world searching for a great relationship…this one is worth reading.

Sharing is caring! Please PIN to your Pinterest account!

Are you angry about something? Maybe it’s all the things going on in the world right now? Maybe it’s how you feel after watching the news? Or maybe it’s a person who hurt you? Here are the five ways to deal with anger, and the best two choices you can pick. How to deal with your angry feelings…. #anger #management #managementforwomen #howtodealwith #issues #control #dwellonlovely

Final Thoughts on Letting Anger Go and Other Ways to Deal with Your Angry Feelings

Dealing with anger in one or both of the last two ways listed above is really the only way to get things done in your life. They are the only two ways to even consider.

If you know of someone who needs to consider these basic ways to deal with anger, I hope you’ll share this article so they can get some help and be healthier in mind and spirit.

I’d love if you’d share comments here. I’d love to know what you think on this topic!

Hugs, Peace, Hope, and Light,

Heidi

P.S. Soon, I’ll be sending out newsletters for this site soon, and I’d love for you to join me when I start. For now when you sign up, you’ll be placed on the email list for my sister site, Healing Harvest Homestead, where you’ll get a weekly tip for natural and healthy living. You’ll also get access to the Resource Library that’s over there, at Healing Harvest Homestead, too.

Photo by KS Kyung