Mean People: What to Do?

Have you ever run into a person who is just plain mean? How do you deal with this behavior? How do you respond? What if the person is a loved one?

I remember one time, when I was a little girl about ten years old, I was with my parents in one of the casinos in downtown Las Vegas (I grew up there). We were just walking through, very early one morning, having just visited one of the super inexpensive buffets they had back then for our breakfast, as we were on our way out of town to visit my grandma.

Now, lest you think my parents hung out in casinos, they did not….and neither did we. In fact, we were taught at a very young age to stay away from them.

But once in awhile, if we were traveling and left super early in the morning, which was common for us, we would stop at the Silver Nugget on the outskirts of town (back then), right before hitting the highway to have our breakfast quickly. It was cheap. It was fast. 

Well, I was lagging behind my family just a little bit, and this very angry man stormed out of one of the gambling areas, stomping, with clenched fists. He looked down at me, his eyes blazing, and said, "Get out of my way, little bxxxx!"

I was so shocked! I started to shake. I wanted to cry! 

For the life of me, I couldn't think why he would be so mean to a 10 year old child! I'll never forget the way his face was squinched up all red-faced in rage, and his eyes! Just hateful.

As I grew up, and I learned about the negative effects of gambling on people, I realize he must just have lost a lot of money, maybe enough to ruin him. 

My family didn't gamble at all, and I grew up learning that you might as well throw that quarter in the trash can if you're tempted to put it in a slot machine. So thinking back on that poor man, as an adult, I realize he had demons after him. Truly.

Over the years, I've run across other people who just have a mean streak, sometimes with no rhyme or reason. And I realize they probably have to have something pretty devastating or stressful or whatever going on in their lives. I believe most people are not mean or vindictive.....but then. You meet some that are.

Do you know what I mean? Have you met anyone like this?

One of my ex-husbands (yes, I’ve had a couple, and I will address this as a Christian woman who is born again on this blog shortly) was just dastardly. He was manipulative, dishonest, and blatantly told me he was trying to ruin my life.

NOTE: When someone tells you they are trying to ruin your life, believe them.

When I found him in a homosexual affair, that was the final straw.

After we finally divorced, I had lost my home (my personal home), I was bankrupt, I was unemployed, and I was essentially homeless with a teenage daughter still with me. It was during the recession, in 2010, and for the first time in history, teachers were being let go in the Clark County School District. There were no jobs.

I was at the bottom.

When I look back on the horrors of that time, I realize I had been dealing with a truly mean person. I never could understand why he would do the things he would do?

But it was not for me to understand. I believe I was there to learn a lesson. And to learn to love him as a human being anyway. 

The enemy? He was after that man. I know it to the bottom of my soul.

And I feel so very badly for him, now. It took me awhile to feel this way, and I’m getting faster at forgiving, but anyone who can be so mean is not feeling very good. 

Years ago, I read this book called Nasty People. (I love that title, don't you?) Since that time, I've noticed there are a LOT more books with this theme since then. It's really sad because sometimes it seems like people are just not as kind as they used to be, as a society.

Here’s another great book that a friend recommended to me, also during that rough time: Safe People. This one is based on Christian beliefs. It’s a very good read. I highly recommend this book!

Then, there’s another book called Boundaries, also a Christian based book. It’s by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. If you’re struggling with feeling taken advantage of by people, even people you love, this one’s for you!

One other book I’d like to recommend is The Dance of Anger. Dr. Harriet Lerner teaches you what to do about angry feelings in a practical, easy to read manner.

The BEST book to read, though? The Bible. God’s word. When I finally got around to actually reading the Word, that’s when my life and my perspective started shifting to all the blessings.

You know what happened with me? I got tired of feeling like a victim. I got tired of being hurt/angry/bitter. I got tired of being mad at myself for the decisions I made.

So, I forgave first, myself.

Then I forgave him. And I’ve been going through any hurt that pops up into my head from the past and actively forgiving. Praying about it and forgiving. Just letting go.

My friend, forgiving is SO freeing!

When someone lashes out at you, my advice is to forgive them instead of being angry. I know it can be hard. I REALLY know this, trust me.

But I think we have to realize that some people are just so sad or mad or hurt inside they don't know how to handle their words or actions. Pray for them. I think there is wonderful power in prayer.

And if something bad looks like it's going to happen because of a person's mean streak and anger? 

Well, please remember this fact:

The enemy is out there, throwing things (mean people) in your path. And God is there too, orchestrating other things based on how you respond. I know that God works for the good of you, especially when you don't become angry or vindictive in return (which is so tempting, right?).

Remember to stay positive, hopeful, and don't let these mean spirits ruin a single moment of your life.

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." -Romans 8:28

It's a really good verse to keep in mind, isn't it? Mr. V. reminded me of this just today, as I was dealing with another mean and angry person. You just got to go on and be happy and joyful!

And you know when you just feel like blasting a person who’s hurt you? Or when you feel like saying bad things behind their back? Or when you just can’t stand what they’ve done to you, and you want to scream and yell?

Here’s what to try to remember (and again, I know it’s hard), but it’s worth it:

“Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for the edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. **Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:29-32.

Yes, we are not to make the Holy Spirit sad by our words, thoughts, or actions. And only forgiveness can give us peace.

I know this is a challenge. But the peace you gain from putting aside the bitterness and anger is SO worth it. My life began changing when I learned to forgive, when I learned to let go. It can change for you too!

Love, Light, and Blessings,

Heidi

P.S. I hope you’ll sign up for the Dwell on Lovely Things newsletter! The site is brand new right now, and I’m not sure how it will evolve, but I’d love to have you join me on the journey! It’s a new beginning!

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or a mental health practitioner. I am simply a Christian woman with a lot of life experience under my belt. I hope I can be of service and help to other women out there. Please be sure to see a therapist if you are struggling.